THEE EMOTIONAL HABIT


I'm sure you heard somewhere that we as humans are habitual beings, and the habits you create consciously and subconsciously will determine your identity.

I'll use myself as a personal example. I have been single for what feels like eternity. Whenever I would start developing feelings for someone my mind takes me to a dark space. My own insecurities tend to rise to the surface and confusion follows closely behind. This dark space was due to my lack of belief.

What didn't I believe in? I'll get to that momentarily.

I'll flip the script here for a second, stick with me...

I have friends that find it almost impossible to stay single for longer than a few months. After one relationship ends they find themselves with someone else and back into another relationship.

Now, what is the difference between myself, who has been single for many years, and some of my friends who can't be single for a few months?

The answer lies in emotional habits.

T​he law of familiarity states that the mind and body gets accustom to what is familiar, and it craves that familiarity constantly. You may find that around a certain time of the day your mind thinks about a certain thought, or when you get hungry or thirsty, your favorite food or drink comes to mind. Every time you go out for drinks with your friends you may always end up at that one bar all the time. Anything outside that comfort zone is basically a threat to the mind because that's where uncertainty peaks. An emotional response will kick in which will try and keep you in a state of comfort.

You see our lives are just compilations of thoughts and habits.

With me so far? Great! I'll flip the script back to me here for a second.

N​ow when my last relationship ended years ago I ended up going to college eight hours away from my hometown. I began to be comfortable in my new environment, and I embraced the single life. That comfort engulfed my entire mindset. A relationship as a freshmen who planned on moving back to his hometown after graduation, was so far out of the equation that I almost forgot how to spell girlfriend by the time I was a junior. Committing to something long term and long distance seemed counter intuitive to me (at that time).

But what about when I graduated a couple years ago and moved back to my hometown? Where was my queen then? *Queue the cricket noises*

S​he never showed up?

Wrong..How about I never looked. My habits were etched into my brain. It was never about commitment, or distance.T​his was about my fear of feeling like I would be held back by someone if I let them into my life. I did not believe that someone would add value in my life, rather they would take away time from me.

Crazy right... let's pause right there and circle back really quickly. Remember that last relationship I mentioned earlier? Take a guess on why I ended the relationship with her the first time (we broke up twice).

It was because I felt like she was a distraction towards my goals, which were mainly sports related. You see I was your typical basketball athlete on a mission. And that mission could not support another person in my life taking time away from my workouts.

N​ow before you cast me off in the pile of all the other idiots, hear me out...

T​hat one break up glued itself to my subconscious mind and followed me to adulthood. Whenever I would develop interest in a woman, a habitual emotion is triggered and it sounded like this...

"​you don't need her"

"​she'll just get in your way"

"​she's not on your level, its not worth it"

"​she's just going to bring you down"

"​she's going to take time away from your dreams"

I​'m glad I was able to realize this through self reflection. I got in the habit of questioning most of my thoughts. Any thoughts that brought me confusion, I would trace it back to the root cause.

Emotional habits could revolve around anything. My example with relationships is just one out of many other situations.

I​s there a habitual emotion you experience whenever a specific outcome occurs? Really think about it. Discover what it may be, and you will be able to transform your thought process and gain better control over your happiness.

For my friends who can't stay single for more than a fraction of a millisecond, i'm sure they have emotional habits driving their reason to yearn for a partner. There's nothing wrong with that at all, however if you're the type of person who feels like they have to be with someone at all times... maybe it's time to reflect and trace back your emotional footprint on why you feel that way.

Is there an emotional habit holding you back from your next transformation?